Things I Wish I'd Said

by Heartwork

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credits

released May 19, 2017

Recorded from September 2016 to February 2017

Daniel O’Dell - All guitars, bass, additional percussion, programming, vocals, production & engineering

Jake Hatter - Drums

Matty Moon - Drum engineering, additional production, mixing & mastering at Half Ton Studios in Cambridge

Benjamin Sydes - Additional vocals on 'The Right Thing'

Adam Boucher - Additional vocal production on 'The Right Thing'

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about

Heartwork Swansea, UK

Debut full band album, 'Things I Wish I'd Said' released 19/05/17, via Aaahh!! Real Records. Pre-order your copy now!

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Track Name: Every Thorn
Lyrics:

The shit had hit the fan
Turns out I’m half the man I thought I would be
And the worst part is I think I liked it
I fixed myself and broke a heart
Raised a glass up to my health and smoked enough To choke the life right out of hiding

Serotonin and alcohol go hand in hand
Until you’ve had one too many and you’ve never felt anything like that

Nine months spent on the couch
Inside my parents’ house or on somebody’s floor
Comfort came and went with balance
When things went south I headed west
Learned not to open my big mouth and save my breath In the end it’s just something that happened

Time and time again I’ve told myself “no more”
But a kick to the senses and I’ll raise my defences like before
You’ve got to get lost at least just once before you’ve found
A bruise that’s worth the bluish mark
Cuz thicker skin is worth the scar
Once you’ve figured it all out

A year or three ago
I let some pieces go but still kept the ‘me’
I erased the photos but saved the old clothes
I wanted this
I needed that
Separated bits of good out from the bad
And I saw that every thorn still has it’s rose

Seeking counsel from sinking ships out in the storm
Makes as much sense as writing when you should’ve been fighting all along
Track Name: Butterfly
Lyrics:

They said I’d fucked up
So I knew there was nothing left to do but cast a stone
Then came the fires through the night
That spread with fast delight to level Rome
I thought you’d have known about the sound of giving in

Then with a bloodied souvenir and the comfort of your peers you took your turn
And though the words rang loud and clear
I knew the rage was insincere
You weren’t the first
That made it worse
So here’s to wasting all away Just to return some day

So I’ve seen it in the scriptures of a dozen strangers’ rooms
It was hanging with the pictures on a wall I knew
It should’ve happened in a hotel but it started on the bridge
It was never gonna go well and it never did

I could play and never win

Just like a butterfly you got your way

So with a solace cigarette
The smoke itself should help forget our little deal
I’ll fuel myself with free caffeine
Whilst never knowing what it means to really heal
The way I feel
This is the sound of giving in
Track Name: The Right Thing
Lyrics:

I try to do the right thing but I’m partial to the wrong
With no idea just where I get it from
It’s like this blackness in my heart
Wish I could crack this but I can’t
Still it’s secondary to this head I’ve got

Meet me at the deep end and we’ll go headfirst into another episode
Cuz I get off on seeing what I can get away with
And I want this more than you could know

I try to keep my head up high but I’m knee-deep in the woes
It’s just like me to write my cons in prose
Getting by on a wing and a prayer
But never really getting anywhere
I guess we all know how the sad song goes...

If only I could ever just say “no”
But the devil on my shoulder won’t let me go
With all the trying and the failing I should just accept who I am
But when I see my friends, it’s apparent that’s a terrible fucking plan

Free me from this gutless alibi because I’ve never felt such guilt in my whole life
Now I’ll confess that the feeling never stuck around too long
Because the wrong thing always felt so right, yeah
Track Name: Achilles Friend
Lyrics:

There was a thought process that I can’t quite recall
When I was drunk beyond repair and barely standing strong at all I’d grown accustomed to the kerbside by your house
But that’s no excuse for the concrete feeling that I’m feeling now

I’ve got a catalogue of things I’ve felt at 2am
But now I’m looking for the sense in all the things I wish I’d said

I used to know this old town like the back of my hand
But now I can’t see past my nose
So I’m following a road that’s led me to
Your white like paper door and that car bought by your dad It’s a sign that I never saw
You’re out of line and I know for sure That you’re still here on my back

And there’s not a damn thing I can do about that

I left a message but you can’t have found it still
Because I haven’t heard a thing and I don’t think I ever will
And on the journey home it came from out the blue
There was a thought process but it’s not like I’d ever thought it through

I used to know this old town like the back of my hand
But now I can’t see past my nose
So I’m following a road that’s led me to
Your white like paper door and that car bought by your dad It’s a sign that I never saw
You’re out of line and I know for sure That you’re still here on my back

Now there’s not a damn thing that I’ll do about that
Track Name: Water
Lyrics:

It always starts like a tidal wave
A rush of blood, it’s hard to explain
On nights like that I’m stuck on replay
It comes and goes but it never stays

A quote I’ve known since back when I was young
If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it far too much
We’re either making war or making love
Well if that’s true then I’m truly fucked

Now I don’t need more sleep
I’ll be fine like this
I’ll get used to it
Yes, I’ve thought about drugs and more selfish things
But in the end just bring me water

I’ll wear my dissonance upon my sleeve
Tried to replace it with harmony
Can I redo my place in history?
It would be better than being me

So I’ll begin as I mean to go on
Repressing memories and where they come from
It always starts reminding me of
The quiet cries of the boy I was

Now I don’t need more sleep
I’ll be fine like this
I’ll get used to it
Yes, I’ve thought about drugs and more selfish things
But in the end just bring me water

If I could face you myself
I’d do everything I could to give you hell
But it won’t change a single card that I’ve been dealt
And I’m doing fine
Can you not tell?

Now I won’t leave a piece of myself behind
No, you’ll get the whole thing
So don’t burn me just place me in the sea
And I will be one with the water
Track Name: Playing Dead
Lyrics:

I know what you’ll say but I’m not gonna stay for too long
I don’t wanna drink cuz I hate what I think when I’m gone
And I can’t remember the last time I felt I was feeling better than what I feel now

I’ve been playing dead since the day I was left to myself I know how it sounds but I can’t keep it down in my shell
So call me a liar
Call me what you want
I have no desire to try prove you wrong

What am I so sad about?
Wish I could figure all this out before it’s too late
What am I still crying for?
It’s never been this bad before
Happiness better be worth the wait

You know what I’ll say, something like “I won’t stay for too long”
But make sure I don’t find my own way back home cuz I’m not
In the best mindset
You probably know
I shouldn’t be inside of my room all alone

No, don’t let me...
Track Name: I Was Building An Empire
Lyrics:

You’ve got hours out here in the sun, still you say “it’s not enough”
Now these flowers will burn like my lungs as my nerves all turn
to dust
Oh, darling I sympathise but I will not let you off
It’s been one too many times, that’s it, I’m done

I’ve been holding so close to my chest, the cards that keep me safe
So when it comes to placing my bet I’ll know which hand to play Oh, honey I’m still on your side but I also see their point
So I don’t mean to criticise when I say you’re just paranoid

So long, I’m so gone half the way to anywhere but here
So I’m leaving and breathing better than I ever thought I would without you dear

We’ve got plenty of times to play games so go hide and I’ll come seek
Through a focus on these fictional frames that I made when I was eighteen
Oh, baby I’ve got your back, but have you got mine?
There comes a point when you lose your tact, it’s just when I did I also lost my mind

So long, I’m so gone half the way to anywhere but here
So I’m leaving and breathing better than I ever thought I would without you dear

So meet me at the back of the bar with all your scars in view
I’ll leave with a grip on your heart like this was all for you
Oh, sweetie just drag me down the way you always said
You would if you had found your way with me back then
Track Name: Paper & Bones
Lyrics:

It turned black and you were acting out of character
I won’t get used to seeing you like that
You hung confessions of all your indiscretions around your neck
Convinced yourself you won’t take them back
But take them back

The sky fell and I could tell you’d almost had enough
It looked like rain but felt just like glass
My intuition excels at premonition but I admit
I didn’t think it would hit you this hard
But it hit you hard

I can’t pretend I hate to say “I told you so”
There’s plenty of skeletons in your closet gathering dust on the bones
You’ve got a lot of nerve but not enough sinew
Having that inheritance isn’t God’s gift
It’s all man made just like you

You came round on the floor of your bedroom with no idea of the time
As cracks of light bled through from outside
Over-exposure, your eyes can barely cope with the things they’ve seen
That doesn’t mean you can stay out of sight
That doesn’t mean you can stay out of sight

I can’t pretend I hate to say “I told you so”
There’s plenty of skeletons in your closet gathering dust on the bones
You’ve got a lot of nerve but not enough sinew
Having that inheritance isn’t God’s gift
It’s all man made just like you

Now you’re not who you are on paper
It’s all thanks to your attitude that you’ve turned into a stranger
Now all that’s left is ink and material things
Where once there was a heart is now a pulse that’s barely beating

You compensate your influence with nothing more than pure ambivalence
Towards the tricks you’ve pulled a million times

I can’t pretend I hate to say “I told you so”
There’s plenty of skeletons in your closet gathering dust on the bones
You’ve got a lot of nerve but not enough sinew
Having that inheritance isn’t God’s gift
It’s all man made
It’s all man made like you
Track Name: Saintlike
Lyrics:

Hellbent on getting to the top but hardly holding on
These ropes are more like strings
I’ve been going back on words, the promises are worse
Like I never meant a thing
Trying not to give in to the shove
As the push takes of the gloves and beats me to the floor
This train’s coming off its rails
The ship is set to sail and waiting by the shore

I’d rather be cold in bed with her than warm by myself
I could do this alone but I’d prefer it if I had her help
She has her faith and I have this way of putting it down
But the truth is I’m scared when I need her there she won’t be around
I need her now

Quiet with the patience of a saint
As she does her best to wait for miracles to intervene
I score delicate at best
As I try hard to contest against the way that I have been
Why is my head not on my side?
There’s a ghost in place of pride and it just went through the wall
Just like me it needs a fix
Please replace my nerves with bricks so I won’t feel a thing at all
I’d rather be half of something good than on my own, whole and
great
I’ll risk losing my mind on something true than stay sane for what’s fake She’s got her ideals and I’ve got this real fear that I don’t match up
I don’t know what for cuz she says she’s sure that I’m more than enough
I just wish I could trust

I’d rather ignore the odds than know that I’ve made a safe bet
I’ll forgive the loss if she has to go but I won’t forget
That she has this knack of keeping me intact when I start to come loose Though I’m not convinced that heaven exists, she’s almost the proof
If only she knew
Track Name: Dashboard Confrontational
Lyrics:

When you’re driving in your car and you’re not sure where you are, does it feel like you’re alone?
Do you ever picture me sat in the passenger seat singing with
the stereo?

I can hear the argument playing over in my head like it was just yesterday
As your tears left tiny tracks I drove my fist into your dash and it never looked the same

And you still plead innocence as you break your false pretence like you did that night in May
Sat in park quiet and still as your heart sank beneath the wheel
You will never fucking change

If you saw this coming then you should’ve driven away

So next time you’re in your car and you don’t know where you are, you can deal with it alone